It’s Gods Choice apparently

This is one thing I didn’t need to hear right now.
I had made a friend online , we both wanted someone to chat to – and he knew I was fairly sure I’ve got cancer again. We just chatted about day to day things. I mentioned the first appointment back is in a couple of days and he sprung the G word. It’s gods way, to give me a lump, where I had a lump before which is in the same part of the same boob as my sister who is 8 years older than me.
So having finished a college day where I had a maths teacher laughing at the Student Support email which was just to let him know I would be undergoing major surgery (double masectomy is major sugery) and was going to be needing to miss classes now and then due to appointments or recovery – and spending another day just trying to study when I feel like I might be dying, the cancer may have spread already – and I may not be able to go on tour, go to uni, and just be in pain, messed up and getting bad news. I don’t mind dying. I mind having a menopause when I’m still single and looking to enjoy a sexually active relationship, with love too. I mind losing my body parts, and looking messed up. I mind losing my looks and my hair. I wish I could just die. I can’t believe I have to work tomorrow and support a very grumpy rude lady to watch tv and tut at me.

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