Lumpectomy in 6 days….i can’t help counting.

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Well I didn’t think I would…but i’m counting. I didn’t think i’d be nervous but I am. I think…the amount of worry and fear that I have carried, the info and the lack of info…the big bad world of ‘oh my god i really do have cancer’ just seems to focus itself on each stage that you have to go through. Every event that comes up seems to have a huge emotional attachment that comes with it.
Well… i’m just posting to help along with anyone else that is going to go through the same things.
I’ve found out from the other women and nurses that I will be in quite a lot of discomfort and wont and should not be moving much at all around the arms and boobs. So… I have started preparing my room/flat.

Preparing meals to go in freezer
Softening bed because i will be on it for long periods.
Stocking up on food.
Attempting to balance bills and what i owe to things.
Telling people the op date. (only two know why the rest of them accept i don’t want to talk about it)
Tidying the room.
Getting painkillers, laptop, table, everything i need readily accessible.
Arranged essential time off work. (took a while to sink in that i would need 2 weeks off minimum)

Things like that.
All I want to do is some how relax..but I can’t. All my usual ways just seem so far away in this new world of reality.

Another important part that has actually helped me is achieving things.
Through out all of this I
kept up my sewing group
kept up socialising (not as much tho)
went and had a good time (pushed myself hard when I could and not when i didn’t want to)
danced, a few nights out, coffee in the sun, etc.
The biggest thing I did was started online dating which i will post about somewhere else. But i did meet up with one chap a couple of times and I did get him home. This was a big deal for me, I struggle to get over my shitty ex and this is a big step towards breaking the spell. I chatted online to a few men and in various ways I felt less on top of an iceberg of loneliness than I did before.
I am truly shocked that i have managed to keep up these things. It’s utterly crazy to go through this amount of worry about one’s life…health…death – and do this. But each lady is going to have to think up some things to aim for – even if it’s to finish a letter, or cv or just call someone – it matters not. Just small steps to help you feel better about yourself are absolutely vital to keep the mind ever so slightly sane and to keep a quiet little smile inside.

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