The shock started to calm in last few days

I would say that makes it about 3 weeks of shock. .. but that’s after being told of the possibility of having cancer two weeks before.
This is important to realise for any readers who have been recently diagnosed and are totally lost. I slept a few nights ago in a normal way and since then. .. started to cope better. I feel like. … The scarey huge sad things are still altering my life in a way that I want it to stop. .. but something has shifted and I’m pushing myself to do normal things and able to appreciate them. I made myself start online dating. ..a crazy thing to start doing at a time like this because. .. What do you say or not say about cancer to someone who’s interested in you?  And your mind is not what it usually is. So. .. its not easy but I had two nice dates with a nice guy we both said we didn’t want a relationship but. .. Friends with benefits which I feel is my way out of having to say I have cancer. I pushed myself to go to bed with him on the second date because I want to say goodbye to my perfect boob. .. Have it kissed and squeezed and known before the lumpectomy in 2 weeks. To have sex before I end up with the blue boob from the dye for removing lymph nodes. .. and a scar and a dent and who knows what more problems may come if the outer section of the lump they remove is not clear of cancer or the lymph nodes too.
I may not be able to have sex for a while for a variety of reasons and I’m trying to shake off the fact that my ex didn’t enquire how I was after I found the lump.  So….a few drinks later. ..I summed up some courage. .. I took him into my room which I’ve been dying to show to a guy… we had lovely sex and touching and were so nice to each other. He seemed so happy. And there you have it….I achieved a major goal whilst in the waiting line for cancer trouble. … and it will make me smile and i feel strong. A 3rd date with the same guy is on the cards. 🙂


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